The Silent Grievers During Covid-19
People have made jokes about the outcome of the virus: “There’s either going to be a lot of babies or a lot divorces at the end of all this.”
Clients have said it to me, friends have said it to me, and all I could think about was the grief that is coming for so many. Many of you are already feeling it now.
Two other groups came to my mind when all this started as people were making jokes:
Those in horribly difficult relationships and marriages who are stuck inside with someone that is emotionally, mentally, and/or physically abusive.
And those who experience miscarriages during this time.
I know these are two really different groups, but as a couples therapist, these groups are where my mind focused.
Last year, I experienced two miscarriages. One while visiting my family in the USA by myself and the other on Christmas Eve, a time where I was continuing to grieve the loss of my mom and now the loss of another baby. I have experienced a D&C and also a natural miscarriage.
So this message in particular is to women who are going through a miscarriage right now:
I know you feel so alone right now.
I know that all this craziness has isolated you even more than you might have already felt if the miscarriage occurred before the virus. Not having your normal outlets or ability to distract yourself like you would have makes it even more real every day. The physical pain will pass quickly, but the emotional and mental pain will stay much longer.
Find that person or those people who have been where you have been. You might ask “how do I do this?”
I shared with a couple very close friends and discovered how many sisters I had who went through this exact journey…some experienced it more times than I could have imagined. They didn’t talk about it normally because for some crazy reason we run away from talking about loss and grief. But as soon as I shared, they shared.
If you can’t find someone in your life who has experienced a miscarriage, there are amazing support groups online. There is a tribe of us, I promise. We don’t tend to come to you though because we won’t know you need us till you take the first step and ask.
I know what it feels like to be asked if there is something wrong with you, was it because of your health, if it was because you run, you are too stressed, you do too much, did you really want to have a baby…the list could go on. They all meant well, but they tended to not be in the sisterhood…and yes all those above questions came from women.
I also know what it feels like to be ridiculed for speaking up, for being told it makes people uncomfortable so I shouldn’t. Sister, if you want to talk about it, do it! Write about it, talk about it, share. This wakes people up to how normal miscarriages are. How normal this loss is for ALL of us.
Lastly, please know you are being given a hug right now as you read this. Like literally I am giving you a huge hug with all the energy I can send, though I am not in person and though you may not know me. YOU are amazing. YOU have gone through such a difficult time. And YOU will grow from this in immeasurable ways, but first, sister, please grieve.
If you are need of grief support during this time, check out my grief healing sessions HERE.
